211- Nightly Motivation 3

You don’t need anyone to validate your struggle. There’s nothing that you’re given that you can’t handle. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can’t! And knowing this, there’s nothing that is going to deter you from your goals. You know what? I say, embrace the adversity. Embrace the challenge. Embrace the lies and comments made about you, because honestly, all you have to do now is work through the struggle. Don’t stress yourself out about anything else, just focus on making it through. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but when you do get through it, you’ll be all the happier and grateful that you fought such a battle in the first place!

Good night.

203- Things Are Feeling a Bit Better

 A little more than a month ago, I was in the worst shape of my life. I was honestly at the lowest point that I’ve ever seen myself, but I’m happy to say that I’m making it through. The intrusive thoughts and the anxiety that comes with them are not as strong, and lawd does that feel like a blessing, because I getting to the end of my rope. 

If you guys feel like you need extra help, do not be afraid to seek out help if you feel like your family or other people around you aren’t listening. There are tons of resources out there, there are suicide hotlines, and there is voluntary hospitalization (usually a three day stay) which I would highly recommend to anyone that is going through a tough time. Again, like I always say, don’t give up! Better days will come.

Good night.

National Suicide Hotline: 1800 273 8255

190- Nightly Motivation

Rather than sit around and think about those who could care less about you, get up, do something! Grab a pen, put it to paper, and get to know yourself. You’re worthy. Forget about what they say about you. They don’t live your life. They haven’t been through what you’ve been through. Don’t let anyone dictate your life. I know it’s hard, trust me, I do. When you start to feel anger, ask yourself why? Why am I angry? Why does it matter? You have a full life ahead of you, and like T.D. Jakes says “Unlock your mind. Their perception of you doesn’t matter, your perception of yourself does!”

Good night.

188- There is Hope

I just finished reading Pure by Rose Bretecher. It is a memoir in which a young woman details her eleven year battle with OCD, in which she was constantly bombarded with distressing intrusive thoughts. I deal with the exact same thing, and let me tell you, as I read each page of this book, I kept thinking how finally, finally, someone understood exactly what I was dealing with. If you don’t quite understand how intrusive thoughts work, this would be a great read, because Bretecher does a great job of describing just how debilitating it can be, especially when it comes to the subject matter of the fears.

I’m still in limbo. I’m still trying to find the right therapy, but after reading this, I feel like I can get through it. I feel like in time, I will go back to “normal,” go back to just living, go back to a time when I didn’t get anxious just walking down the street. It sucks that anyone has to deal with this, but I’m so happy that Rose Bretecher went through this, because out of all of the books that I have read so far, it  has been the greatest comfort to me. 

185- OCD Quote 

” What if you were you mother and you kept having doubts about drowning your baby in the bath? How would you talk about it then? … Or a gay man who kept having thoughts about tits when he made love to his husband? You’d keep it a secret for years; for your whole life, perhaps…and even though you had what the World Health Organization considers one of the ten most debilitating disorders in the world, not a soul would know” – Pure by Rose Bretecher

Day 88

I don’t know what to do guys. I’m exhausted. I would not wish PTSD on my worst enemy. I wake up these days literally holding my breath. I feel like my life is a complete blur sometimes. As you can tell, it’s been a rough couple of days for me, and I’m so close to giving up. I’m not, but I really, really, REALLY feel like it. When is this pain going to subside for good? When am I going to be able to sit in the midst of my peers without being triggered? Oh, I am so tired of being sick and tired! But I am just trying to remember that a full recovery takes time, so today, I am going to be binge watching “The Office” like never before.

Good day, guys!

Day 52

It’s barely 10pm, and I’m currently taking a stroll around my college campus. It feels like fall. There’s a slightly forceful breeze and the leaves upon the trees are swinging in full effect. I love taking walks like this. It’s so easy for me to think. I don’t have to force myself to relax, because I feel as if I am in my element. 

These days my mood has been all over the place, but overall I’m still progressing very well. As I’m walking past all of the buildings that I used to have class in, I think about all of the times I experience an overwhelming amount of anxiety. Like there’s a cringy memory that goes with each building. It’s okay, though, I can laugh at it now.lol!

But that’s all for tonight folks! Of course continue to make great strides on your mental health journeys, because you will get better in time.