Is that I have been feeling so much better! I know that I haven’t posted in a while and that’s because things have slowly but surely gotten better over these past 2 months. I am so happy to say that recovery has been going so well. My new therapist is awesome! I got TWO new jobs and I can finally walk outside without my heart falling into my shoes! Remember when that was all I wanted? Man, I know that my journey is not yet over, but honestly I feel good when I wake up in the morning. I feel happy and truly blessed. Guys, like I have always said, progress comes in time. Don’t ever give up the fight!
A little more than a month ago, I was in the worst shape of my life. I was honestly at the lowest point that I’ve ever seen myself, but I’m happy to say that I’m making it through. The intrusive thoughts and the anxiety that comes with them are not as strong, and lawd does that feel like a blessing, because I getting to the end of my rope.
If you guys feel like you need extra help, do not be afraid to seek out help if you feel like your family or other people around you aren’t listening. There are tons of resources out there, there are suicide hotlines, and there is voluntary hospitalization (usually a three day stay) which I would highly recommend to anyone that is going through a tough time. Again, like I always say, don’t give up! Better days will come.
National Suicide Hotline: 1800 273 8255
I just finished reading Pure by Rose Bretecher. It is a memoir in which a young woman details her eleven year battle with OCD, in which she was constantly bombarded with distressing intrusive thoughts. I deal with the exact same thing, and let me tell you, as I read each page of this book, I kept thinking how finally, finally, someone understood exactly what I was dealing with. If you don’t quite understand how intrusive thoughts work, this would be a great read, because Bretecher does a great job of describing just how debilitating it can be, especially when it comes to the subject matter of the fears.
I’m still in limbo. I’m still trying to find the right therapy, but after reading this, I feel like I can get through it. I feel like in time, I will go back to “normal,” go back to just living, go back to a time when I didn’t get anxious just walking down the street. It sucks that anyone has to deal with this, but I’m so happy that Rose Bretecher went through this, because out of all of the books that I have read so far, it has been the greatest comfort to me.
” What if you were you mother and you kept having doubts about drowning your baby in the bath? How would you talk about it then? … Or a gay man who kept having thoughts about tits when he made love to his husband? You’d keep it a secret for years; for your whole life, perhaps…and even though you had what the World Health Organization considers one of the ten most debilitating disorders in the world, not a soul would know” – Pure by Rose Bretecher