203- Things Are Feeling a Bit Better

 A little more than a month ago, I was in the worst shape of my life. I was honestly at the lowest point that I’ve ever seen myself, but I’m happy to say that I’m making it through. The intrusive thoughts and the anxiety that comes with them are not as strong, and lawd does that feel like a blessing, because I getting to the end of my rope. 

If you guys feel like you need extra help, do not be afraid to seek out help if you feel like your family or other people around you aren’t listening. There are tons of resources out there, there are suicide hotlines, and there is voluntary hospitalization (usually a three day stay) which I would highly recommend to anyone that is going through a tough time. Again, like I always say, don’t give up! Better days will come.

Good night.

National Suicide Hotline: 1800 273 8255

124- I’ve Decided To Leave Therapy

Where do I begin? I’ve been in therapy since September and it has been an okay experience. I was able to confront a lot of my childhood wounds throughout this process, which was great, but I knew from the beginning that the therapist was not. She’s a clinical counseling student (first year), who’s used to doing research and not dealing with people on this level. I knew from the start of the first couple of sessions that I wasn’t too crazy about her, but I stayed because I was in a shitty place in life, and at this point, I couldn’t do it alone–which I could have if I wasn’t so caught up in my mind. Now, I have finally gained enough clarity at this point to leave, and I’m so happy with my decision.

Here are the things about her that threw this whole process off for me:

  • She’s judgmental. The funny thing is, she doesn’t even have to say anything, I can see it all over her face.
  • She brought her personal life into the session, and made me feel uncomfortable in the process.
  • She forgets that I’m a college grad, who’s studying counseling as well, and she continuously makes my opinions feels invalidated.
  • It seems that at times, she’s looking for my validation.
  • She basically forced me to make a decision that I didn’t want to, basically breaking our trust early on. I kept going after that, though, because I told myself that I should have never said anything in the first place.
  • Lastly, I saw be super judgmental towards another client in the waiting room, who seemed to be suffering from severe anxiety. Like hello? Why make a face if she’s in the waiting room? Clearly she’s there for a reason! Okay, I had to get that off of my chest.

Guys, don’t be afraid to speak up in therapy, because you’re paying for it. The research and the techniques do not exist without people like us who go and seek out this type of help. Our stories fuel therapy. Don’t be afraid to ask for a new therapist (one with more experience than the last), or leave the facility all together if you’re not feeling the environment. 

Day 60

Good day.

Two of my friends graduated today and will be embarking on a new journey!

It takes me back to a year ago when I had just graduated with my bachelor’s degree. It was the most freeing feeling, honestly. Life definitely was not over after the fact, even though it felt like it. Keep going for your dreams, people, but don’t forget to enjoy the moment when you reach each milestone!